No Surgery Needed

But the doctor can't tell what it is.



There are two semihard lumps on my lower back that don't hurt. And I can't feel them either. They're about the size of a quarter but they don't have a clue what is causing it. Or what's wrong with my legs.



But they took a sample so I think they'll find out soon.



I tried to see if this has happened to anyone else before. Wondering if this is HER doing. I'm really hoping that I'm wrong.

Testing and Psychiatric Care

Doctor visit was..."fun". My doctor is suggesting I use a wheelchair for a while. Nothing is broken from what I was told. But something seemed seriously fucking wrong and I have no idea what. Quite frankly neither does the doctor. But I'm afraid it's something serious that'll require surgery.


The doctor is also upset that I'm not sleeping well.


Well doc...it can't be helped.


I'm going to try salting the lantern and other things around the house. Maybe that'll keep her out. I want sleep so badly. I miss dreaming. Maybe I'll dream of something beautiful.


Maybe.

Valentine's Day alcohol mention tw

What a crock of shit it is...I'm alone this year. Just like last. Only issue is I'm sleep deprived and...well...lots of unsavory things. Like I uh..can't walk properly. No issues with my legs but my lower back is fucked up.


My friend is making me see a doctor.


Then a therapist for the sleep issues. But nothing for my new drinking issues. Guess I'm supposed to be shamed outta doing it.


Fuck that.


It helps me get something close to sleep. Not giving it up until I am forced to. Like by the doctor or some shit. Uggh...talk whenever.


I'm gonna go lie down.

I Caved Alcohol Mention Tw

My friends told me that if I didn't sleep that they would do something drastic. I'm guessing hospital drastic. Or worse. Not sure what would be worse than being forced into a...ok yeah there is worse.



Like psych ward worse.



They wouldn't be bad for trying to put me in one. Mental hospitals aren't exactly evil places. But they would sedate me. I would dream. And if I dream...she'll kill me. Thankfully drunken blackouts are almost as good as sleep.



I mean hey. I was "sleeping" for at least six hours or so. Still good enough. Alright,I know it isn't really sleep. Or a good substitute for it. But it's all I honestly got right now. Though I might try medication. It's helped in the past.




No Puppet People news or T.V. shows to talk about. I haven't seen any of them. If I do though...I will tell you all. Hopefully it stays quiet like this. I'm not okay with more missing kids. Especially when I can't help them. It makes me feel so useless. I really hate that fucking stringed asshole.




I want to burn her.